18 December 2009

Moment of Rant - movies that I am not going to see

It's a personal thing, but I just don't like Christopher Nolan as a filmmaker. Even now, when I am re-watching his only movie that I liked, Memento, I can feel some odd vibe, a premonition of bad things to come. But the concept is so strong that it is completely sweeping all bad feelings away. From that movie and on I learned to hate his films and despise his work. Insomnia, Prestige, both Batmans, all terrible films with really bad screenplays that just feel wrong to me. It's probably the hollowness of it, the false grandiosity, the artificial sensationalism of the small and pointless details. Movies for cinematic retards, that cannot see the lack of essence behind the smoke and mirrors.
And before Mr. Nolan continues to ruin my once favorite superhero, here he comes again with another garbage, and I know exactly what it will be like, I can see it already in the trailer.
DiCaprio will give great performance, the visual effects will be super polished and impressive, but the story will be stupid and annoying. The fans will love it, the studio will count stacks of greens, and the critics will be so confused and unable to pinpoint the weaknesses, they will give good reviews just because they don't want to break their heads thinking about it too much. It will appear in every Best films of 2010 list, top 20 on IMDB, most pirated torrent of the year.
And limited number of sane people, that won't like it, will find themselves among dumb haters and just trolls that have nothing smart to say, unable to separate their valid opinion from such unflattering crowd. Whatever, I am going to take a stand by not participating in this shallow circus, I won't see this movie and ignore it instead ... starting now.

It was suppose to be an alternative take on the myth about most famous medieval criminal and terrorist, Robin Hood. Sheriff of Nottingham was initially the hero and Robin Hood a villain. Many big studios participated in a bidding war to acquire the rights for the script, eventually giving up to Universal Pictures. Many big directors were approached and considered to direct, until the choice went to one Ridley Scott and Russell Crowe attached himself to the film.
And what happened next? The script was rewritten, changed completely and no more resembling that original version everybody were so eager to purchase. Robin Hood ended up as positive character after all, as suitable for the myth, Sheriff of Nottingham will continue to be the bastard, and the arrows will be propelling from the bows in slow motion (just because no one ever saw slow motion effect in the movies before). Brave and heroic Robin will ride with devotion on the horse (also in slow motion) and solemn expression on his face, opening his mouth to make loud sounds, you know, like in real battle. The blood will be spilled, some people will die, emotions will fly, maid Marian will show feminine grace.
Ridley Scott (Recycling Clichés™), that probably didn't see a single film in the last 20 years, only his own, still thinks he can direct movies when he clearly cannot. Only Scott could take such interesting idea with subversive approach and turn it to another lame snooze fest about pathos, heroism, loyalty and good Christianity. Oh, did I mention slow motion already?
Turning on "Ignore" mode ... starting now.

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